Author |
Share Topic Topic Search Topic Options
|
morticia
Sultan
Retired AE Editor
Joined: 09-Aug-2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2077
|
Quote Reply
Topic: 20 things women should know about men Posted: 31-May-2007 at 11:42 |
Here are 20 things that women should know about men:
20. He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay... maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you've never looked at another guy...
19. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
18. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time
17. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt
16. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
15. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to
14. Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that
13. He did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
12. Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect him to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.
11. Things you should let him do alone: figuring out where you are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars/cigarettes and picking out the beer
10. No" means no, and "Yes" means yes. Silence means he can't get a word in edgewise
9. Believe it or not, he could care less how he looks when he's drunk.
8. Of course he wants another beer.
7. Don't even bother touching the remote, just tell him what you want to see
6. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence, "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
5. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner
4. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm
3. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny
2. He does not just want to be friends
1. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Edited by morticia - 31-May-2007 at 11:43
|
"Morty
Trust in God: She will provide." -- Emmeline Pankhurst
|
|
Maharbbal
Sultan
Retired AE Moderator
Joined: 08-Mar-2006
Location: Paris
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2120
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 31-May-2007 at 12:28 |
Super funny but
20. He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay... maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you've never looked at another guy...
Do not wonder now why he is wearing sun glasses.
13. He did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
Experience proves that some plant can hold 6 month and/or look quite ok while dead.
10. No" means no, and "Yes" means yes. Silence means he can't get a word in edgewise
I desagree. No means no, yes means "well maybe, I don't really care, but lets say this dress won't make me feel too ashamed when you'll come to pick me up at the office"
8. Of course he wants another beer.
Yok
6. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence, "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
Although becareful, the second sentence must not be: "isn't it great my birthday is next week!" First because you don't want him to guess your age and second because he doesn't want to buy you a present.
5. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner
One more pile: "dirty and smelly but gosh I like this tshirt" 4. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm
Never or just once for fun.
2. He does not just want to be friends
Indeed
1. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo true. And a few other things too.
|
I am a free donkey!
|
|
Guests
Guest
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 31-May-2007 at 14:02 |
19. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it. They are either gay or in the army. Which means their sexuality is pretty suspect anyway after six months in the barracks.
15. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to yes yes yes yes
|
|
JanusRook
Sultan
Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam
Joined: 03-Aug-2004
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2419
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 31-May-2007 at 15:28 |
Do not wonder now why he is wearing sun glasses.
|
Lol, this is way funny for me since I have to wear sun glasses to work, and yes they serve multiple purposes.
Although becareful, the second sentence must not be: "isn't it great my
birthday is next week!" First because you don't want him to guess your
age and second because he doesn't want to buy you a present.
|
And third because it's a trick question her birthday's actually 4 months from now and she's trying to catch you in a lie. I always remember when my girlfriends birthday is, and in fact can recite the birthdays of my last three g/fs. Of course I wouldn't tell me current g/f that.
15. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to yes yes yes yes
|
Come on Sparten we've been over this.....
4. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm |
|
Economic Communist, Political Progressive, Social Conservative.
Unless otherwise noted source is wiki.
|
|
Aelfgifu
Caliph
Joined: 25-Jun-2006
Location: Netherlands
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3387
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 01-Jun-2007 at 04:58 |
19. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it. |
They're probaly dumb too, so who cares. A smart gay guy is a much bigger tragedy.
18. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time |
My father is a great cook. As a result, I will expect nothing less than perfection from any male wishing to share my life. Don't expect me to cook. I won't.
16. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. |
Don't have a purse. He will have to hold every single piece of contents I have to take out of my 5 litre messenger bag to find my wallet at the bottom though. Including the lady stuff.
14. Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that |
In fact they both suck. How about something with actual text in it?
13. He did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. |
I do not have plants. They die. Always. No matter what I do. No man can possibly be worse than me when it comes to plants.
9. Believe it or not, he could care less how he looks when he's drunk. |
That's two of us then.
8. Of course he wants another beer. |
Fridge is right there. Get one for me too while you're at it.
7. Don't even bother touching the remote, just tell him what you want to see |
That would rather depends on who pays the bills.... and who that TV belongs to....
5. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner |
I generally try to reanimate my clothes with deo-spray... want me to do yours too?
4. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm |
Why on earth would I want to? He may work for it, nothing comes for free.
|
Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
|
|
ArmenianSurvival
Chieftain
Joined: 11-Aug-2004
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1460
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 01-Jun-2007 at 16:03 |
Originally posted by morticia
3. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny |
This should be tied for first with the blowjob rule.
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
My father is a great cook. As a result, I will expect nothing less than
perfection from any male wishing to share my life. Don't expect me to
cook. I won't. |
You seriously shouldn't plan on marrying any Armenian guys (or eastern guys in general)
Honestly though, if you want a guy whose that good of a cook,
you've basically eliminated a good 95% of the bachelor pool right off
the bat. It would be like a guy saying "My mother is a Judo master, so
I want a woman who will defend me from an attacker, don't expect me to
do it".
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
That would rather depends on who pays the bills.... and who that TV belongs to.... |
Sharing is Caring--- the basic rule of a marriage!
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
I generally try to reanimate my clothes with deo-spray... want me to do yours too? |
|
Mass Murderers Agree: Gun Control Works!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Van_Resistance
Քիչ ենք բայց Հայ ենք։
|
|
Guests
Guest
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 00:43 |
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
13. He did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. |
I do not have plants. They die. Always. No matter what I do. No man can possibly be worse than me when it comes to plants. |
Have you ever tried a cactus?
|
|
Constantine XI
Suspended
Suspended
Joined: 01-May-2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5711
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 01:07 |
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
19. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
They're probaly dumb too, so who cares. A smart gay guy is a much bigger tragedy. |
I'm certain not all male models are dumb.....
|
|
Aelfgifu
Caliph
Joined: 25-Jun-2006
Location: Netherlands
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3387
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 03:25 |
Originally posted by Mixcoatl
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
13. He did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. |
I do not have plants. They die. Always. No matter what I do. No man can possibly be worse than me when it comes to plants. |
Have you ever tried a cactus?
|
Dont like cactoi. No charisma.
Besides, I always have these nightmares about tripping over something an falling into them face first.
Originally posted by Constantine XI
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
19. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it. They're probaly dumb too, so who cares. A smart gay guy is a much bigger tragedy. |
I'm certain not all male models are dumb.....
|
It wasn't me who started the generalisations. I'm sure they are not all dumb. I'm also sure they are not all gay. I'm also sure neither of that makes any difference to their likeability. I think, on the whole, there is really no other option that to treat models like other humans: as individuals...
Edited by Aelfgifu - 04-Jun-2007 at 03:29
|
Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
|
|
Constantine XI
Suspended
Suspended
Joined: 01-May-2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5711
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 03:53 |
|
|
Aelfgifu
Caliph
Joined: 25-Jun-2006
Location: Netherlands
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3387
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 04:31 |
Originally posted by ArmenianSurvival
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
My father is a great cook. As a result, I will expect nothing less than perfection from any male wishing to share my life. Don't expect me to cook. I won't. |
You seriously shouldn't plan on marrying any Armenian guys (or eastern guys in general)
Honestly though, if you want a guy whose that good of a cook, you've basically eliminated a good 95% of the bachelor pool right off the bat. It would be like a guy saying "My mother is a Judo master, so I want a woman who will defend me from an attacker, don't expect me to do it".
|
I'll do the defending, dear, don't you worry. As long as you cook, you'll be safe.
Besides, my impressions are that Dutch men are really not that bad at cooking. I know quite a few who can. (better than me anyway) They don't unless you force them at knifepoint, but they can.
|
Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
|
|
TheDiplomat
Arch Duke
Retired AE Moderator
Joined: 09-Aug-2004
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1988
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 04:52 |
Originally posted by ArmenianSurvival
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
My father is a great cook. As a result, I will expect nothing less than perfection from any male wishing to share my life. Don't expect me to cook. I won't. |
You seriously shouldn't plan on marrying any Armenian guys (or eastern guys in general)
|
Same here
Marrying a girl who does not cook would be very dramatic for me, for I do not know cooking
Edited by TheDiplomat - 04-Jun-2007 at 04:53
|
ARDA:The best Turkish diplomat ever!
|
|
Aelfgifu
Caliph
Joined: 25-Jun-2006
Location: Netherlands
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3387
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 05:07 |
Learn. The fastest way to a girls heart. Not a single one can resist a guy that cooks.
Edited by Aelfgifu - 04-Jun-2007 at 05:07
|
Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
|
|
TheDiplomat
Arch Duke
Retired AE Moderator
Joined: 09-Aug-2004
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1988
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 05:18 |
|
ARDA:The best Turkish diplomat ever!
|
|
Styrbiorn
Caliph
Joined: 04-Aug-2004
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2810
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 06:54 |
Originally posted by ArmenianSurvival
You seriously shouldn't plan on marrying any Armenian guys (or eastern guys in general)
Honestly though, if you want a guy whose that good of a cook,
you've basically eliminated a good 95% of the bachelor pool right off
the bat. It would be like a guy saying "My mother is a Judo master, so
I want a woman who will defend me from an attacker, don't expect me to
do it".
|
Ah, not at all. I know quite a few guys who are very good cooks,
including an Armenian and an Arab. Ability to cook is totally non-related
to ability to fight: one of the best cooks I know is actually a martial
arts instructor. Anyway I really suggest you learn how to make a nice feast dinner. It's a very useful skill.
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
Learn. The fastest way to a girls heart. Not a single
one can resist a guy that cooks. |
This goes for men also.
The road to a man's heart definitely goes to his stomach. Clich
perhaps, but true.
Edited by Styrbiorn - 04-Jun-2007 at 06:59
|
|
Aelfgifu
Caliph
Joined: 25-Jun-2006
Location: Netherlands
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3387
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 09:47 |
Originally posted by Styrbiorn
Originally posted by Aelfgifu
Learn. The fastest way to a girls heart. Not a single one can resist a guy that cooks. | This goes for men also. The road to a man's heart definitely goes to his stomach. Clich perhaps, but true.
|
Ah, but I never said I can't cook. I said I won't.
|
Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
|
|
Styrbiorn
Caliph
Joined: 04-Aug-2004
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2810
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 10:09 |
That is so sexist
|
|
hugoestr
Tsar
Suspended
Joined: 13-Aug-2004
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3987
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 11:24 |
Who came up with this excellent list? They should include it as a user manual when women get married.
|
|
Aelfgifu
Caliph
Joined: 25-Jun-2006
Location: Netherlands
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3387
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 11:52 |
Originally posted by Styrbiorn
That is so sexist |
Yes.
|
Women hold their councils of war in kitchens: the knives are there, and the cups of coffee, and the towels to dry the tears.
|
|
Styrbiorn
Caliph
Joined: 04-Aug-2004
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2810
|
Quote Reply
Posted: 04-Jun-2007 at 13:34 |
Originally posted by hugoestr
Who came up with this excellent list? They should include it as a user manual when women get married. |
Already made:
|
|